Finally got to chat with my soldier! Sooo happy! It just takes the biggest weight off your shoulders when you have that first contact. He seems in good spirits and was joking around. :0) It makes for one happy Mom. Finally have an address so that I can start sending letters and packages.
I have had a ton of anxiety this week. Trying to help my brother and keep him on track, trying to get help for my parents, trying to get myself out of the house and be productive.
I was able to contact an agency that can help both of my parents. Made my Dad an appointment that I will be able to take him to, hoping we will get answers and be able to get some help.
I see my therapist tomorrow and boy is she gonna get an earful. lol As I have said before if you don't live it you wouldn't believe it.
Have submitted a disability claim so hopefully they will start paying me. If they do not approve the claim I will be cancelling the policy as I won't have a need for it. I specifically took it out for this reason. It's looking like I won't be heading back to work until the end of April at the earliest.
I am trying to come up with a BIG idea for a fundraiser for Adopt A Soldier. I feel the world seems to have forgotten that we are still sending our children, spouses, parents, brothers, sisters, friends and cousins off to war. Our struggles are daily yet the world seems to go on without noticing. Every year my family and friends form a team to walk in support of the soldiers in our family. We have been the biggest money raisers for the last 3 years. This year I want to do some BIG!! I'm brainstorming now and hoping I can come up with something!!
Kudos to Lifetime for Army Wives and Coming Home. Sooo many of us can relate and it hits sooo close to home!!
Not sure if I already mentioned but my youngest son is a volunteer firefighter. I never knew the stresses that go along with that until this week. He got called to two really large fires. It's like holding your breath. I know he has been trained well but holy moly..how much can one mother take????
Took him shopping for his tux for Prom. About time since I have already taken his girlfriend and a dear friends daughter to get their dresses. He is going to be one handsome young man! So excited for him. Another step into becoming an adult!
My Dad has had a really rough week this week. Bad dreams at night and some aggressive outbursts. I know the future will not be easy. He is much more disoriented and more often. I know it's a process and it's not easy but it truly is much harder than I ever imagined.
My brother went to see a psychic. Now I have only had one reading in my life from a friends sister. He seemed to find lots of peace in what this woman had to say. He told her to start preparing for my Dad's passing. That is would come quickly but she couldn't tell him when. She also advised him that my Mom needs to quit smoking that there is something wrong in her chest. She told him my son will come home safe and that she knows we will worry but we needed worry that he won't come home. Just this part gave ME a sense of peace that I hadn't had at all during my Army Mom career. I was shocked that he did this as I never thought him a believer but he was looking for any direction he could get so I understand. He seemed to come away with a sense of peace and some direction.
My kids are coming home this weekend and I am sooo excited to see my grandson. He just makes the world a brighter place!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Giving it to God....
My life is completely full of stress and worries. I have decided to use my blog today to list the strife in my life and let it go to God.
1) Prayers for my friend who lost her soldier son; my heart truly aches for them
2) Oldest being in Afghanistan; may angels watch over him and keep him safe
3) My brother needs urgent prayers to help overcome a drug addiction, depression and get through a divorce; taking him tomorrow to admit him to the local mental health unit
4) Find the appropriate resources to help us deal with my father's dementia
5) Get support and guidance for my mother to help her deal with my father's illness
6) To ease the financial strains of my being out of work
7) My best friend's mother was admitted to hospital today, she is battling a very rare lung cancer. They live 1,200 miles away so I am unable to be with them
8) still trying to work on making me better, finding the time to dedicate to ME, coping with my own anxiety and depression
Trying to focus on one day at a time but one day just doesn't seem to be any better than the next. Trying to reach for my bible more often. Talked to the hubby about goin back to church..we let it slip away long ago and need to get our roots back.
While I know my struggles are a burden I do know that I am surrounded by many wonderful blessings.
1) Prayers for my friend who lost her soldier son; my heart truly aches for them
2) Oldest being in Afghanistan; may angels watch over him and keep him safe
3) My brother needs urgent prayers to help overcome a drug addiction, depression and get through a divorce; taking him tomorrow to admit him to the local mental health unit
4) Find the appropriate resources to help us deal with my father's dementia
5) Get support and guidance for my mother to help her deal with my father's illness
6) To ease the financial strains of my being out of work
7) My best friend's mother was admitted to hospital today, she is battling a very rare lung cancer. They live 1,200 miles away so I am unable to be with them
8) still trying to work on making me better, finding the time to dedicate to ME, coping with my own anxiety and depression
Trying to focus on one day at a time but one day just doesn't seem to be any better than the next. Trying to reach for my bible more often. Talked to the hubby about goin back to church..we let it slip away long ago and need to get our roots back.
While I know my struggles are a burden I do know that I am surrounded by many wonderful blessings.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
A Military Mom's worst fears come true...
Today is an extremely sad day for me and a group of Army Mom's that I belong to. I have been a part of this group since just before "oldest" went to bootcamp in 2006. These women are like family and their children like my own. All that deploy I send a card to or package.
I am in everyday contact with most of these women, some are closer than family. These Mom know my struggles as an Army Mom as they live the life. They've walked or walk in my shoes. Some of us have had boys deployed together, some just at the same time, some are stationed at the same base...but we all support and encourage one another daily!
Today a dear friend lost her 23 yr old son. No he did not die in Iraq or Afghanistan, he died because of his time in those horrible places. The details of how he died I don't think are as important as the message that we are sending our "children" to a place they shouldn't be. Seeing and living through things over and over again. With no real purpose. They go to these countries and fight an unseen enemy. They then come home and see our country struggle, our homeless, our injured, our elderly. They come home seeing a different world. They come home with a reality that we as Americans can move on, we don't see their struggle everyday. Some say they chose it, they knew what they were getting into. I say "BULL". How could anyone imagine, how could any child prepare. For many a soldier it is their first time away from family and friends. They deal with the loss of that comfort but stand ready to protect their NEW friends and family. They sleep with guns, they suspect everyone, they never feel safe, they miss the simple pleasures of life...how do you prepare for this?!
As an Army Mom I am of course afraid for my sons safety. I am more afraid of their mental well being. I have since they left for basic training. I wrote them everyday, I sent them jokes, I told them funny stories but most importantly I let them know EVERYDAY that I love them and that they are never alone!
Now they are off to war. I send them packages as often as I can. I don't go into a store without picking up something that I can send to them to make things just a little bit easier!
Where do our soldiers turn when they have psychological struggles? Where do we as civilians turn? Many of us don't due to the stigma of being weak or being an outcast. They call it PTSD, they talk to our soldiers about it. There just has to be a better way! There has to be something more that we can do as a country. There has to be something more the military can do. There has to be a way to make getting our soldiers back easier!
This soldier wasn't someone who everyone turned their back on. His parents called and called. They called his commanders while he was at his base. They called the VA hospital repeatedly while there son was home. Their appointment was for Monday...unfortunately Monday was too late.
RIP soldier...u truly are a hero. May you finally have Peace and rest in heaven looking down on your family! God Bless!
I am in everyday contact with most of these women, some are closer than family. These Mom know my struggles as an Army Mom as they live the life. They've walked or walk in my shoes. Some of us have had boys deployed together, some just at the same time, some are stationed at the same base...but we all support and encourage one another daily!
Today a dear friend lost her 23 yr old son. No he did not die in Iraq or Afghanistan, he died because of his time in those horrible places. The details of how he died I don't think are as important as the message that we are sending our "children" to a place they shouldn't be. Seeing and living through things over and over again. With no real purpose. They go to these countries and fight an unseen enemy. They then come home and see our country struggle, our homeless, our injured, our elderly. They come home seeing a different world. They come home with a reality that we as Americans can move on, we don't see their struggle everyday. Some say they chose it, they knew what they were getting into. I say "BULL". How could anyone imagine, how could any child prepare. For many a soldier it is their first time away from family and friends. They deal with the loss of that comfort but stand ready to protect their NEW friends and family. They sleep with guns, they suspect everyone, they never feel safe, they miss the simple pleasures of life...how do you prepare for this?!
As an Army Mom I am of course afraid for my sons safety. I am more afraid of their mental well being. I have since they left for basic training. I wrote them everyday, I sent them jokes, I told them funny stories but most importantly I let them know EVERYDAY that I love them and that they are never alone!
Now they are off to war. I send them packages as often as I can. I don't go into a store without picking up something that I can send to them to make things just a little bit easier!
Where do our soldiers turn when they have psychological struggles? Where do we as civilians turn? Many of us don't due to the stigma of being weak or being an outcast. They call it PTSD, they talk to our soldiers about it. There just has to be a better way! There has to be something more that we can do as a country. There has to be something more the military can do. There has to be a way to make getting our soldiers back easier!
This soldier wasn't someone who everyone turned their back on. His parents called and called. They called his commanders while he was at his base. They called the VA hospital repeatedly while there son was home. Their appointment was for Monday...unfortunately Monday was too late.
RIP soldier...u truly are a hero. May you finally have Peace and rest in heaven looking down on your family! God Bless!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Teenagers....GRRRR
So I am truly struggling with how to move forward. The youngest, 19 yrs old, is a Junior in High School. Our only son left at home. He has had his own struggles with his two older brothers leaving home. The change of moving in with his grandparents.
School has obviously been a struggle. He can NOT get himself up in the morning..he has been late to school more times than we can count. No matter what we threaten with or take away he just doesn't get it. He will do well for a couple days and then right back to old pattern. Obvioulsy his school work is suffering. Again not much we do affects that at all.
He isn't a child any more so it's really hard to try and enforce anything.
Since having my first breakdown I know I haven't been the mother or person I once was. I feel in part I have let him down. I do not think that is an excuse for him to not do his part to be successful in life.
My children have a horrible knack for cutting me to the quik by saying the most horrible things to me. Of course never to my face. That would NEVER be tolerated. Through texts and facebook and messages. They truly break my heart and I don't know that they have a clue how hurtful their words are to me.
I grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father and would NEVER talk to my mother the way these kids have to me. My father gets it back when he gives it to me because I refuse to be a victim. I just can't understand their motivation or what they are thinking.
Text today from youngest " why do u care now all of the sudden after five years or so you only had two sons ummm plz explain". I refuse to cry...got mad. Called cell company and reported his phone missing...sooo NO cell phone until I get an apology and he gets some responsibility.
This coming from the son who I dedicated the first 5 yrs of his life too. He was born 9 weeks early...I fought to give him life and keep him healthy! UGHHHHHH! I just want to scream!
It's hard to tolerate a child not doing what you expect of them when you expect so little.
School has obviously been a struggle. He can NOT get himself up in the morning..he has been late to school more times than we can count. No matter what we threaten with or take away he just doesn't get it. He will do well for a couple days and then right back to old pattern. Obvioulsy his school work is suffering. Again not much we do affects that at all.
He isn't a child any more so it's really hard to try and enforce anything.
Since having my first breakdown I know I haven't been the mother or person I once was. I feel in part I have let him down. I do not think that is an excuse for him to not do his part to be successful in life.
My children have a horrible knack for cutting me to the quik by saying the most horrible things to me. Of course never to my face. That would NEVER be tolerated. Through texts and facebook and messages. They truly break my heart and I don't know that they have a clue how hurtful their words are to me.
I grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father and would NEVER talk to my mother the way these kids have to me. My father gets it back when he gives it to me because I refuse to be a victim. I just can't understand their motivation or what they are thinking.
Text today from youngest " why do u care now all of the sudden after five years or so you only had two sons ummm plz explain". I refuse to cry...got mad. Called cell company and reported his phone missing...sooo NO cell phone until I get an apology and he gets some responsibility.
This coming from the son who I dedicated the first 5 yrs of his life too. He was born 9 weeks early...I fought to give him life and keep him healthy! UGHHHHHH! I just want to scream!
It's hard to tolerate a child not doing what you expect of them when you expect so little.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Depression and Anxiety
On Monday, January 31, 2011 I took an extremely large overdoes of pills. Was I trying to commit suicide? I really can't say that was my goal..maybe yes..I guess that makes sense.
It truly was a decision I made in an instant. I didn't think about anything but going to sleep and not waking up. Just ending my pain and struggle.
I picked out the nightgown I wanted to be found in. I went and got a drink to take the pills with. I made my bed all nice and neat. I sent a text to my friends and family. "I'm sorry and I love you." I then turned off my cell phone and through tears began taking the pills.
I took over 70 pills total. A nice mix of controlled substances, pretty much anything I had available that I new packed a wallop. I then rolled over and went to sleep.
My husband, youngest son and mother were across the hall watching a movie together.
You may ask why at that moment did I decide, why that day?
On that day I was struggling with my oldest son's deployment..had been for weeks. My middle son was not talking to me cause his wife caused a ridiculous arguement with me over a joke and he called me horrible names and said the most horrible things. We suspected dil was pregnant but of course they weren't talking to me so I received a text from my oldest son telling me I was gonna be a gramma again because he didn't think his brother would. Of course this broke my heart.
That morning my youngest son sent me text basically telling me HE thought he was going to hurt himself. He has been suffering from anxiety attacks for a few years now. He cheated on his girlfriend and got caught. She was having nothing to do with him and he just couldn't handle it. I left work in hysterics to take him to the hospital to get help. Hubby and I took him there together. After speaking with a counselor for an hour he was in a much better place.
I know in my life that I can not handle losing one of my boys. They have always been my lifeline. I have been a mom since I was 16 yrs old, and I HAVE been a Mom. I didn't take any breaks, I raised them with all the love and support I could. I raised them with their father. We have been together since I was 14 yrs old. We have had a trials and tribulations but we have made it.
The next morning I did not wake for work. Hubby tried waking me repeatedly. I really can't tell you how long or what happened. I know he woke me at 1:30pm and I was PISSED. How could I have taken all those pills and still be there! I was mad beyond belief. Once I was awake he figured out something was wrong. I went into bathroom and found more pills to take. He came into the bathroom and caught me. He then figured out what I had done. He screamed and yelled. Threatened to call 911. Basically talked me into going to the hospital.
We went to the hospital together. I was admitted into the Behavioral Health Unit.
Three days after I was admitted my mother in law passed away. She had been suffering for years with emphysema. Her passing was quick and unexpected. While we knew it was coming eventually it didn't end as any of us had imagined.
After getting to the hospital and realizing what I had done and the pain I was putting my family through I was overwhelmed with regret. I did nothing but apologize and promise I would never due anything like it again. As a daughter I felt like I had failed my parents, I was supposed to be there to take care of them. As a mother I failed because I am supposed to be there to support my children. As a wife I am supposed to stand by my husband's side.
I left the hospital the day after my mother in law passed. That in itself is a whole nother story. I went right from the hospital to the funeral parlor to help plan my mother in laws funeral. I have no idea how I did it. No idea why they all trusted me with the tasks. I was basic organizer and MC of her funeral service as we can not bury her until spring.
I basically came away from the hospital with no help. I was still not in a great place. Feeling all the feelings I had before but now having regrets and feeling sorry on top of it.
I had no luck getting in to see my therapist. Basically ended up calling a new counseling facility and starting all over. It's not a quick process. It's very time consuming and you can only hope you connect with the person you have found.
I have now had 3 appointments with a psychotherapist and now have an appointment with a psychiatrist to began my medication management. I have been out of work since February 1st and have no idea when I can expect to return. Financially this hurts a lot. As a state employee I get half my pay for a certain amount of time while on an extended absence.
Everyday I struggle with anxiety. I have a fluttering in my chest, I don't sleep without medication, I have no energy, I feel like I could cry at any moment, my brain is constantly going....my body never seems at rest. It's a horrible thing to live with. I was always the one in control, always the person everyone came to with their issues, always the organized one, always had it together....I WAS THE STRONG ONE!!! I no longer feel like that person. I want that person back and I am trying to figure out ways to get her back!!
It truly was a decision I made in an instant. I didn't think about anything but going to sleep and not waking up. Just ending my pain and struggle.
I picked out the nightgown I wanted to be found in. I went and got a drink to take the pills with. I made my bed all nice and neat. I sent a text to my friends and family. "I'm sorry and I love you." I then turned off my cell phone and through tears began taking the pills.
I took over 70 pills total. A nice mix of controlled substances, pretty much anything I had available that I new packed a wallop. I then rolled over and went to sleep.
My husband, youngest son and mother were across the hall watching a movie together.
You may ask why at that moment did I decide, why that day?
On that day I was struggling with my oldest son's deployment..had been for weeks. My middle son was not talking to me cause his wife caused a ridiculous arguement with me over a joke and he called me horrible names and said the most horrible things. We suspected dil was pregnant but of course they weren't talking to me so I received a text from my oldest son telling me I was gonna be a gramma again because he didn't think his brother would. Of course this broke my heart.
That morning my youngest son sent me text basically telling me HE thought he was going to hurt himself. He has been suffering from anxiety attacks for a few years now. He cheated on his girlfriend and got caught. She was having nothing to do with him and he just couldn't handle it. I left work in hysterics to take him to the hospital to get help. Hubby and I took him there together. After speaking with a counselor for an hour he was in a much better place.
I know in my life that I can not handle losing one of my boys. They have always been my lifeline. I have been a mom since I was 16 yrs old, and I HAVE been a Mom. I didn't take any breaks, I raised them with all the love and support I could. I raised them with their father. We have been together since I was 14 yrs old. We have had a trials and tribulations but we have made it.
The next morning I did not wake for work. Hubby tried waking me repeatedly. I really can't tell you how long or what happened. I know he woke me at 1:30pm and I was PISSED. How could I have taken all those pills and still be there! I was mad beyond belief. Once I was awake he figured out something was wrong. I went into bathroom and found more pills to take. He came into the bathroom and caught me. He then figured out what I had done. He screamed and yelled. Threatened to call 911. Basically talked me into going to the hospital.
We went to the hospital together. I was admitted into the Behavioral Health Unit.
Three days after I was admitted my mother in law passed away. She had been suffering for years with emphysema. Her passing was quick and unexpected. While we knew it was coming eventually it didn't end as any of us had imagined.
After getting to the hospital and realizing what I had done and the pain I was putting my family through I was overwhelmed with regret. I did nothing but apologize and promise I would never due anything like it again. As a daughter I felt like I had failed my parents, I was supposed to be there to take care of them. As a mother I failed because I am supposed to be there to support my children. As a wife I am supposed to stand by my husband's side.
I left the hospital the day after my mother in law passed. That in itself is a whole nother story. I went right from the hospital to the funeral parlor to help plan my mother in laws funeral. I have no idea how I did it. No idea why they all trusted me with the tasks. I was basic organizer and MC of her funeral service as we can not bury her until spring.
I basically came away from the hospital with no help. I was still not in a great place. Feeling all the feelings I had before but now having regrets and feeling sorry on top of it.
I had no luck getting in to see my therapist. Basically ended up calling a new counseling facility and starting all over. It's not a quick process. It's very time consuming and you can only hope you connect with the person you have found.
I have now had 3 appointments with a psychotherapist and now have an appointment with a psychiatrist to began my medication management. I have been out of work since February 1st and have no idea when I can expect to return. Financially this hurts a lot. As a state employee I get half my pay for a certain amount of time while on an extended absence.
Everyday I struggle with anxiety. I have a fluttering in my chest, I don't sleep without medication, I have no energy, I feel like I could cry at any moment, my brain is constantly going....my body never seems at rest. It's a horrible thing to live with. I was always the one in control, always the person everyone came to with their issues, always the organized one, always had it together....I WAS THE STRONG ONE!!! I no longer feel like that person. I want that person back and I am trying to figure out ways to get her back!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Deployment 2011
Today we sent our oldest son off to Afghanistan. Being a military Mom is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to endure! You really can't describe the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the sense of loss, the helplessness, feelings I really can't begin to put into words. This is our third time sending one of our children off to fight a war that isn't being fought fair. Although our first time to Afghanistan, it's scary as hell.
All the feelings we had the first time around are still here, you'd think it would get easier, you would think I would be a pro at it by now. Let me tell you it doesn't get easier.
Our oldest was in Iraq in 2008 and went for 15 months. When he left his son was 4 months old. He deployed from Germany so we were not there to see him off. All of our goodbyes were done over the phone. He decided to re-up while he was in Iraq. While it was not a choice I would have chosen I understood his need to provide for his family. Our economy had begun to plummet and it really made sense for a 21 yr old who was married with a baby.
While our oldest son was in Iraq, our middle son decided to enlist. He didn't talk to us about his decision. He called us one evening and told us he was at MEPS and had enlisted. I was so angry at him. I hung up on him and didn't speak to him for a week.
When our oldest left for basic training the entire dynamics of our family changed. There was a horrible emptiness. His sense of humor, his presence and just the overall completeness of our family was gone. We all had a horrible time adjusting to his being gone. I wrote him everyday. I knew basic training would be difficult mentally for him. He had never been away from home. I had no doubt physically he would succeed. I was terrified mentally that he would struggle. About 12 weeks into basic we found out he would be stationed overseas. He was devastated. I have no doubt in my mind that if he had known he would get sent that far away he never would have enlisted. The 3 years he was in Germany the phone bills were unbelievable. But we made it through. Lots of expensive shipping of gifts and things you just couldn't get in Germany. Here we are dealing with our son being in Iraq our middle son decides to enlist! UGHHHHHHH!!
I had the upper hand this time. I KNOW how to get a kid through basic training! Now our 3 boys are as different as any 3 people can be. I was worried about this one, he had a tough life. Things just never seemed to go his way. 3 weeks after he left for basic our oldest son came home safely from Iraq. The coming home is amazing!
Middle son made it through basic and ended up stationed 3 hours from home where our oldest son was scheduled to come to just 4 months later. However, it was not to be so simple. In December of 2009 our middle son deployed to Iraq after being out of basic for 2 months and being with his unit that same amount of time. Things in Iraq had really settled down by this time and we'd already been through one deployment there. And again, I knew how to get a kid through a deployment.
Our middle son returned home on July 2010 safely from Iraq.
Our boys had not all been together in 22 months. For our family this was extremely difficult. We are really close and always have had a special bond.
So, here we are again. This time to Afghansistan. My grandson is now 3. How do you explain to a 3 yr old that his Daddy is going away and won't be able to come home to see you for a long time. You can talk to him on-line, you can see him on the computer, he will call you but he can't come home and tuck you in. He won't be there for your 4th birthday, for Easter, For Christmas...for the next year of your life. He won't be there to give you a bath, he won't be there to wrestle with you, he won't be there to be your Daddy. It's truly heart breaking.
I have been here with my son, dil and grandson for 3 days. It's been soooo hard. I can see the struggle in my sons face. He cried yesterday when his son came up to give him a kiss and turned around and said "tight hug" and gave him a hug before he left for the day. My son and I were up late everynight, he says "I don't want to sleep." I asked why. "I don't want Friday to come." In Mom mode I chuckled a little and said unfortunately son it's going to happen anyway. :0( We stayed up all night last night. He just didn't want to give in. 13 of us spread all over his livingroom trying to take in every minute. Of course the tears came off and on, mine of course.
The waiting begins again, we wait for his phone calls, his text messages, quite frankly any sign at all that he is doing okay and he is safe!! My phone will never leave my side, I will constantly know where it is, bascially have it attached. Everytime I go into a store I will pick up something to send to him. Boxes of goodies and necessary items will be sent monthly if not more. I will write often. Send little cards and cute stickers, pictures of family and friends, quirky little things from a Mom. :0)
We said our goodbyes at his house, he didn't want us all to go and see him off at his company. As hard as it was for us saying goodbye to one person, he was saying goodbye to all of us! We did it his way! Ughhh!!
Just another great day in my crazy life!!
All the feelings we had the first time around are still here, you'd think it would get easier, you would think I would be a pro at it by now. Let me tell you it doesn't get easier.
Our oldest was in Iraq in 2008 and went for 15 months. When he left his son was 4 months old. He deployed from Germany so we were not there to see him off. All of our goodbyes were done over the phone. He decided to re-up while he was in Iraq. While it was not a choice I would have chosen I understood his need to provide for his family. Our economy had begun to plummet and it really made sense for a 21 yr old who was married with a baby.
While our oldest son was in Iraq, our middle son decided to enlist. He didn't talk to us about his decision. He called us one evening and told us he was at MEPS and had enlisted. I was so angry at him. I hung up on him and didn't speak to him for a week.
When our oldest left for basic training the entire dynamics of our family changed. There was a horrible emptiness. His sense of humor, his presence and just the overall completeness of our family was gone. We all had a horrible time adjusting to his being gone. I wrote him everyday. I knew basic training would be difficult mentally for him. He had never been away from home. I had no doubt physically he would succeed. I was terrified mentally that he would struggle. About 12 weeks into basic we found out he would be stationed overseas. He was devastated. I have no doubt in my mind that if he had known he would get sent that far away he never would have enlisted. The 3 years he was in Germany the phone bills were unbelievable. But we made it through. Lots of expensive shipping of gifts and things you just couldn't get in Germany. Here we are dealing with our son being in Iraq our middle son decides to enlist! UGHHHHHHH!!
I had the upper hand this time. I KNOW how to get a kid through basic training! Now our 3 boys are as different as any 3 people can be. I was worried about this one, he had a tough life. Things just never seemed to go his way. 3 weeks after he left for basic our oldest son came home safely from Iraq. The coming home is amazing!
Middle son made it through basic and ended up stationed 3 hours from home where our oldest son was scheduled to come to just 4 months later. However, it was not to be so simple. In December of 2009 our middle son deployed to Iraq after being out of basic for 2 months and being with his unit that same amount of time. Things in Iraq had really settled down by this time and we'd already been through one deployment there. And again, I knew how to get a kid through a deployment.
Our middle son returned home on July 2010 safely from Iraq.
Our boys had not all been together in 22 months. For our family this was extremely difficult. We are really close and always have had a special bond.
So, here we are again. This time to Afghansistan. My grandson is now 3. How do you explain to a 3 yr old that his Daddy is going away and won't be able to come home to see you for a long time. You can talk to him on-line, you can see him on the computer, he will call you but he can't come home and tuck you in. He won't be there for your 4th birthday, for Easter, For Christmas...for the next year of your life. He won't be there to give you a bath, he won't be there to wrestle with you, he won't be there to be your Daddy. It's truly heart breaking.
I have been here with my son, dil and grandson for 3 days. It's been soooo hard. I can see the struggle in my sons face. He cried yesterday when his son came up to give him a kiss and turned around and said "tight hug" and gave him a hug before he left for the day. My son and I were up late everynight, he says "I don't want to sleep." I asked why. "I don't want Friday to come." In Mom mode I chuckled a little and said unfortunately son it's going to happen anyway. :0( We stayed up all night last night. He just didn't want to give in. 13 of us spread all over his livingroom trying to take in every minute. Of course the tears came off and on, mine of course.
The waiting begins again, we wait for his phone calls, his text messages, quite frankly any sign at all that he is doing okay and he is safe!! My phone will never leave my side, I will constantly know where it is, bascially have it attached. Everytime I go into a store I will pick up something to send to him. Boxes of goodies and necessary items will be sent monthly if not more. I will write often. Send little cards and cute stickers, pictures of family and friends, quirky little things from a Mom. :0)
We said our goodbyes at his house, he didn't want us all to go and see him off at his company. As hard as it was for us saying goodbye to one person, he was saying goodbye to all of us! We did it his way! Ughhh!!
Just another great day in my crazy life!!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Introduction to Me
I decided to create this blog to help document the crazy and sometimes unbelievable events of my life! I will not use real names but all the events will be as real as I can share them with you. I hope you come away with a few lessons on life while I share this adventure of my life. I hope I can learn lessons by sharing it. All my posts will come from my life and my heart! There will be no made up stories, no exaggeration, just my life as it unfolds.
My friends and I have always joked about writing a book about the craziness of my life. I figured I would use modern technology to help me share the unbelievable, often amazing, very stressful, full of love and many blessings stories of my day to day life!
To describe me...not very interesting at all but here is what I think and mostly know about me. I am the oldest of 4 children. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father who now suffers from dementia. I work full time for the State. I am the very proud Mom of three young men. I am married to my best friend for over 20 years. Two of my sons are members of the United States Army. One of my sons is a volunteer firefighter. I could stand to lose about 75 lbs. I swear like a truck driver, especially when mad. I am blessed by having 7 of the best friends any girl could ask for, they each in their own way are amazing! I am a pretty reasonable person until someone messes with my children or I feel backed into a corner, then it's no holds barred. I can be vicious. In all honesty I am my own worst enemy, I am my biggest critic. I try to do everything as I would want done for me. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder and mild depression 3 1/2 yrs ago, just prior to my oldest son's deployment to Iraq. A year ago I moved in with my parents to help them with day to day living. I am truly blessed to not have suffered the lose of a parent. I am a jack of all trades kind of girl but really a master of none. I love to read, especially suspension and self help books. I am a gramma to a beautiful grandson with a new one on the way. Becoming a gramma has truly been the most amazing experience of my life. I believe in God and call on him often. I do not attend church and I am sure after a few reads you may understand why..maybe it's an excuse but nothing in my life ever goes as planned.
So sit back, grab a drink, a bowl of popcorn and buckle up cause you about to join me on the ride of your life!!
Remember to take time to take care of you!
My friends and I have always joked about writing a book about the craziness of my life. I figured I would use modern technology to help me share the unbelievable, often amazing, very stressful, full of love and many blessings stories of my day to day life!
To describe me...not very interesting at all but here is what I think and mostly know about me. I am the oldest of 4 children. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father who now suffers from dementia. I work full time for the State. I am the very proud Mom of three young men. I am married to my best friend for over 20 years. Two of my sons are members of the United States Army. One of my sons is a volunteer firefighter. I could stand to lose about 75 lbs. I swear like a truck driver, especially when mad. I am blessed by having 7 of the best friends any girl could ask for, they each in their own way are amazing! I am a pretty reasonable person until someone messes with my children or I feel backed into a corner, then it's no holds barred. I can be vicious. In all honesty I am my own worst enemy, I am my biggest critic. I try to do everything as I would want done for me. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder and mild depression 3 1/2 yrs ago, just prior to my oldest son's deployment to Iraq. A year ago I moved in with my parents to help them with day to day living. I am truly blessed to not have suffered the lose of a parent. I am a jack of all trades kind of girl but really a master of none. I love to read, especially suspension and self help books. I am a gramma to a beautiful grandson with a new one on the way. Becoming a gramma has truly been the most amazing experience of my life. I believe in God and call on him often. I do not attend church and I am sure after a few reads you may understand why..maybe it's an excuse but nothing in my life ever goes as planned.
So sit back, grab a drink, a bowl of popcorn and buckle up cause you about to join me on the ride of your life!!
Remember to take time to take care of you!
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