Today we sent our oldest son off to Afghanistan. Being a military Mom is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to endure! You really can't describe the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the sense of loss, the helplessness, feelings I really can't begin to put into words. This is our third time sending one of our children off to fight a war that isn't being fought fair. Although our first time to Afghanistan, it's scary as hell.
All the feelings we had the first time around are still here, you'd think it would get easier, you would think I would be a pro at it by now. Let me tell you it doesn't get easier.
Our oldest was in Iraq in 2008 and went for 15 months. When he left his son was 4 months old. He deployed from Germany so we were not there to see him off. All of our goodbyes were done over the phone. He decided to re-up while he was in Iraq. While it was not a choice I would have chosen I understood his need to provide for his family. Our economy had begun to plummet and it really made sense for a 21 yr old who was married with a baby.
While our oldest son was in Iraq, our middle son decided to enlist. He didn't talk to us about his decision. He called us one evening and told us he was at MEPS and had enlisted. I was so angry at him. I hung up on him and didn't speak to him for a week.
When our oldest left for basic training the entire dynamics of our family changed. There was a horrible emptiness. His sense of humor, his presence and just the overall completeness of our family was gone. We all had a horrible time adjusting to his being gone. I wrote him everyday. I knew basic training would be difficult mentally for him. He had never been away from home. I had no doubt physically he would succeed. I was terrified mentally that he would struggle. About 12 weeks into basic we found out he would be stationed overseas. He was devastated. I have no doubt in my mind that if he had known he would get sent that far away he never would have enlisted. The 3 years he was in Germany the phone bills were unbelievable. But we made it through. Lots of expensive shipping of gifts and things you just couldn't get in Germany. Here we are dealing with our son being in Iraq our middle son decides to enlist! UGHHHHHHH!!
I had the upper hand this time. I KNOW how to get a kid through basic training! Now our 3 boys are as different as any 3 people can be. I was worried about this one, he had a tough life. Things just never seemed to go his way. 3 weeks after he left for basic our oldest son came home safely from Iraq. The coming home is amazing!
Middle son made it through basic and ended up stationed 3 hours from home where our oldest son was scheduled to come to just 4 months later. However, it was not to be so simple. In December of 2009 our middle son deployed to Iraq after being out of basic for 2 months and being with his unit that same amount of time. Things in Iraq had really settled down by this time and we'd already been through one deployment there. And again, I knew how to get a kid through a deployment.
Our middle son returned home on July 2010 safely from Iraq.
Our boys had not all been together in 22 months. For our family this was extremely difficult. We are really close and always have had a special bond.
So, here we are again. This time to Afghansistan. My grandson is now 3. How do you explain to a 3 yr old that his Daddy is going away and won't be able to come home to see you for a long time. You can talk to him on-line, you can see him on the computer, he will call you but he can't come home and tuck you in. He won't be there for your 4th birthday, for Easter, For Christmas...for the next year of your life. He won't be there to give you a bath, he won't be there to wrestle with you, he won't be there to be your Daddy. It's truly heart breaking.
I have been here with my son, dil and grandson for 3 days. It's been soooo hard. I can see the struggle in my sons face. He cried yesterday when his son came up to give him a kiss and turned around and said "tight hug" and gave him a hug before he left for the day. My son and I were up late everynight, he says "I don't want to sleep." I asked why. "I don't want Friday to come." In Mom mode I chuckled a little and said unfortunately son it's going to happen anyway. :0( We stayed up all night last night. He just didn't want to give in. 13 of us spread all over his livingroom trying to take in every minute. Of course the tears came off and on, mine of course.
The waiting begins again, we wait for his phone calls, his text messages, quite frankly any sign at all that he is doing okay and he is safe!! My phone will never leave my side, I will constantly know where it is, bascially have it attached. Everytime I go into a store I will pick up something to send to him. Boxes of goodies and necessary items will be sent monthly if not more. I will write often. Send little cards and cute stickers, pictures of family and friends, quirky little things from a Mom. :0)
We said our goodbyes at his house, he didn't want us all to go and see him off at his company. As hard as it was for us saying goodbye to one person, he was saying goodbye to all of us! We did it his way! Ughhh!!
Just another great day in my crazy life!!
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