My goals and desires........My goal weight is 175lbs. I want to be healthy and have control of what I eat and when. I want to be active. I do not want to be afraid to do anything because of my weight!
My hurdles.....stress eating, not planning my meals, drive-thru addiction
My game plan....to only eat when hungry, to make better choices, to be more active, to drink more water and less soda, stay away from fast food
Start a journal.....that is what this is all about!
Where am I now in my journey....A new beginning...taking time to dedicate to me and get healthy.
One step at a time!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Weight Loss!
Soooo, on to a new struggle. My weight. I LOVE the show Ruby. What a wake up call! I hear her excuses and I hear myself.
I am not eating horrible, I am sort of active. BULL! I am a stress eater. I don't get as much exercise as a senior citizen!
I need to get my ass moving. I need to get control of my food.
Been at my sons for a week. My 3 yr old grandson has run me ragged. I am only 40 yrs old...I should be more than able to keep up.
I see pictures of myself and I cringe. I can NOT believe that I weigh 250lbs. How did this happen?? At 175lbs I thought I was good looking, at 200 lbs I was active and didn't let it affect me. Now there is no denying I am obese.
I have noone to blame but myself.
I'm the one driving when I hit the drive-thru, I am the one choosing what I eat, I am the one getting up at 11pm to get a SNACK, I am the one not making an effort to take time for me.
I've done Weight Watchers and lost 49.5 lbs...I can't even say 50 lbs cause I could never get myself over that hump. Instead the scale kept going up and up. I hear people talk about self-sabotage..I know that's where I was.
My embarrassing fat moments....trying to get on a ride at Universal Studios they made me get in a test seat, trying on clothes, avoiding people that once knew me because I am embarrassed by my size and then to worry if I can fit into rides, worry if I can fit in a certain booth, think about how I would survive in an emergency...could I catch my grandson if he ran ahead of me and into the road? Could I pull myself back into a boat if it tipped over?
Sooo...here is my goal...
To get to some sort of exercise class at least twice a week
Walk everyday
Drink water everyday
....it's a start!
Stay tuned for updates!!
I am not eating horrible, I am sort of active. BULL! I am a stress eater. I don't get as much exercise as a senior citizen!
I need to get my ass moving. I need to get control of my food.
Been at my sons for a week. My 3 yr old grandson has run me ragged. I am only 40 yrs old...I should be more than able to keep up.
I see pictures of myself and I cringe. I can NOT believe that I weigh 250lbs. How did this happen?? At 175lbs I thought I was good looking, at 200 lbs I was active and didn't let it affect me. Now there is no denying I am obese.
I have noone to blame but myself.
I'm the one driving when I hit the drive-thru, I am the one choosing what I eat, I am the one getting up at 11pm to get a SNACK, I am the one not making an effort to take time for me.
I've done Weight Watchers and lost 49.5 lbs...I can't even say 50 lbs cause I could never get myself over that hump. Instead the scale kept going up and up. I hear people talk about self-sabotage..I know that's where I was.
My embarrassing fat moments....trying to get on a ride at Universal Studios they made me get in a test seat, trying on clothes, avoiding people that once knew me because I am embarrassed by my size and then to worry if I can fit into rides, worry if I can fit in a certain booth, think about how I would survive in an emergency...could I catch my grandson if he ran ahead of me and into the road? Could I pull myself back into a boat if it tipped over?
Sooo...here is my goal...
To get to some sort of exercise class at least twice a week
Walk everyday
Drink water everyday
....it's a start!
Stay tuned for updates!!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Seeing Red......GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
I am soooo frustrated, angry, mad, pissed....UGHHHH!!
If they don't work out a federal budget they will be cutting the pay of our troops! This totally enrages me. My son is off fighting a war that we do NOT need to be fighting!! He has left his wife and 3 yr old son. He left with many worries...supporting his family was NOT one of them and should NOT be!! How can you decide to send people to fight a war and decide you are NOT going to pay them for doing their job!! Absolutely ridiculous! Our country has become a complete and udder mess...an embarrassment...we have the strongest armed forces in the world and they are truly treated the worst!!
Now on to the next infurating issue...after 14 yrs my brother decided to marry his high school sweatheart...after just one year of marriage..SHE decided that wasn't what she wanted after all!! This to me was just utter nonsense..when you commit to marriage...it's for better or worse, richer or poorer, better or worse!! They have been struggling for months. Together, not together...u get it! Now she moved out of my brothers and in with a man and took their kids. First of all...how do you move out of the home of your husband and in with a new man?!! Now this "other" man just happens to be a millionare..not because he worked hard but because he won a lawsuit. She is a gold-digging, money hungry, selfish, snotty bitch! I know that one day Karma will come to bite her in the ass but right now I just want to ring her neck. Today my niece posts on FB that she is going to Vegas for the weekend with her mom and boyfriend! Next week they head off to Myrtle Beach! While my brother falls apart, is suicidal, is a mental and physical wreck his family is off having the time of their lives! I am soooo mad...I truly am sickened by the whole thing. I am at a complete loss on how to help him cope with all of this!! He takes all the blame...is certain he will never be truly happy. It breaks my heart!!
Now on to the struggles of going through our soldiers deployment. Each day is a new struggle. I am currently staying at my sons for a visit..had a break in my calendar and figured I could help. I know my dil struggles in her own way and sometimes she just needs me there to help her through the rough times! Since I have been here she has been working crazy hours. It upsets me up a little that she hasn't adjusted her schedule or made any concessions to be home with grandson. His Dad is gone and now pretty much his Mom is gone. He is too damn cute and comes out with the darndest things. When I mentioned to her today that hours were too much she pretty much bit my head off. I know she is struggling and she just doesn't know what to do. I know being home alone is difficult for her. But there is a 3 yr old that does not understand what is happening. I know she will work this out, she is strong and is a great Mom...right now it is a struggle.
Today youngest son had a major anxiety attack in school. I am someone who suffers from severe anxiety so I know what he is going through. I know he is struggling with his brothers deployment and my being here and not there. It scares me that he is having such attacks at such a young age. I do not want him to struggle as I do. I need to find guidance and help to be able to help him!!
Another day in my crazy life!!
If they don't work out a federal budget they will be cutting the pay of our troops! This totally enrages me. My son is off fighting a war that we do NOT need to be fighting!! He has left his wife and 3 yr old son. He left with many worries...supporting his family was NOT one of them and should NOT be!! How can you decide to send people to fight a war and decide you are NOT going to pay them for doing their job!! Absolutely ridiculous! Our country has become a complete and udder mess...an embarrassment...we have the strongest armed forces in the world and they are truly treated the worst!!
Now on to the next infurating issue...after 14 yrs my brother decided to marry his high school sweatheart...after just one year of marriage..SHE decided that wasn't what she wanted after all!! This to me was just utter nonsense..when you commit to marriage...it's for better or worse, richer or poorer, better or worse!! They have been struggling for months. Together, not together...u get it! Now she moved out of my brothers and in with a man and took their kids. First of all...how do you move out of the home of your husband and in with a new man?!! Now this "other" man just happens to be a millionare..not because he worked hard but because he won a lawsuit. She is a gold-digging, money hungry, selfish, snotty bitch! I know that one day Karma will come to bite her in the ass but right now I just want to ring her neck. Today my niece posts on FB that she is going to Vegas for the weekend with her mom and boyfriend! Next week they head off to Myrtle Beach! While my brother falls apart, is suicidal, is a mental and physical wreck his family is off having the time of their lives! I am soooo mad...I truly am sickened by the whole thing. I am at a complete loss on how to help him cope with all of this!! He takes all the blame...is certain he will never be truly happy. It breaks my heart!!
Now on to the struggles of going through our soldiers deployment. Each day is a new struggle. I am currently staying at my sons for a visit..had a break in my calendar and figured I could help. I know my dil struggles in her own way and sometimes she just needs me there to help her through the rough times! Since I have been here she has been working crazy hours. It upsets me up a little that she hasn't adjusted her schedule or made any concessions to be home with grandson. His Dad is gone and now pretty much his Mom is gone. He is too damn cute and comes out with the darndest things. When I mentioned to her today that hours were too much she pretty much bit my head off. I know she is struggling and she just doesn't know what to do. I know being home alone is difficult for her. But there is a 3 yr old that does not understand what is happening. I know she will work this out, she is strong and is a great Mom...right now it is a struggle.
Today youngest son had a major anxiety attack in school. I am someone who suffers from severe anxiety so I know what he is going through. I know he is struggling with his brothers deployment and my being here and not there. It scares me that he is having such attacks at such a young age. I do not want him to struggle as I do. I need to find guidance and help to be able to help him!!
Another day in my crazy life!!
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